Sometimes it hurts to be awake. To use my brain. To feel. I used to sleep it off. I used to sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep. And sleep. Now I just stay awake. Even though I’m tired. No, I’m not tired. That’s not quite it. I’m… tired of hurting. But I just prolong it by staying up another hour. This can’t be healthy. Is it worse than cutting myself? Not worse. Is it any better? Probably not. Am I going to bed now? We’ll see.
January 9, 2012
In years past, I have resolved to do the impossible. I have resolved to lose x amount of pounds. I have resolved not to deliberately cut myself all year. I have resolved to read my scriptures every day. I have resolved to… Frankly I can’t remember my past resolutions. They weren’t important. They weren’t achievable. They didn’t attack the underlying problems. They were surface bandages that couldn’t succeed. This year, I have made only two resolutions.
1) I resolve to follow my dreams.
2) I resolve to do what it takes to smile more.
Perhaps I’ll be able to look back at the end of the year and say, “Holy crap, I actually achieved my resolutions this year!” At the least I should be able to remember what they were. And every time I come across an unexpected smile, I can smile bigger in the realization that I’m working towards having a better life.
Posted by Ashleigh at 3:17 PM