When I was younger, my dream was to be an actress. I had enough talent to get into a top acting school in New York City on a partial scholarship, but it wasn't meant to be. I had to do something more 'realistic.' Even though it was my dream. I let that go.
When I was in high school, I was one of the 'smartest' kids around. My test scores were always high, and I never had to work for it. I got into a great college, but my mental health tanked and took my plans of finishing a degree in four years with it. I let that go.
In fact, to a large degree I've had to let all that super-intelligence go. I'm pretty average these days. It's part of the price I have to pay to stay sane. My medication slows my brain down a little. But I'd die without it, so I let that go.
I have a great job with a company that I love. I was a top-notch full-time employee, I was good at my job, and I loved doing it. But I had a bit of a breakdown and I can only work part time now. I loved my job. But I let that go.
And I have been blessed with so many wonderful friends and family members I can hardly believe it. But I'm not functioning well enough to stay in touch with all of them. I have a few good hours a day, but I get exhausted so easily. I don't get depressed per-se, but I'm just still not capable of doing a lot. I want to be a best friend, cousin, sister, daughter, niece, granddaughter, and wife to all the people I love. But I can't juggle it all right now. I've made peace with a lot of letting-go, but I don't want to let that go. I just don't know how to hang onto it.
|The only pic I could come up with that felt real.|